The Aftermath
by KeepCalmAndFanfic
Summary: NEW SUMMARY..BEGA is over. Life should be returning to normal. But too much has changed in too little time and sometimes, he just can't deal. Kai's just trying to put his life back together (give back to the community that gave him so much), but his mind is working against him. If he seems different, it's because he is. Warning: explicit drugs/alcohol use, swearing.
1. A Normal Life

He assumed that once they defeated BEGA and Boris and all the stupid mothertruckers that thought they could win against them, he would finally get a chance to relax for the first time in his life and actually enjoy what the city had to offer. He thought that beating Brooklyn meant that he would no longer desire to utterly demolish Tyson or prove his superiority to all of his friends, enemies and everyone in between. He believed that this would be the end, all this nonsense, and he'd finally get to live a normal life.

How wrong he was.

The whole BEGA debacle didn't end once Tyson defeated Brooklyn and Boris was trampled to submission. There were so many court cases that Kai lost count (the legality of many of BEGA's actions was questionable at best, and when put to the test, ultimately failed), and so many reshuffle-ings of ownerships and responsible parties and custodies and shareholders and property rights that by the time the new BBA was up and functional again, all he really wanted to do was desert. At the moment of the official dissolution of BEGA and the renewal of the BBA licenses, he was 18 years old. His birthday was 28 days ago. His ident said 19, but he felt much older. This seemed to be a consensus among those who were heavily involved in the beyblade community in the past year, especially his fellow teammates (he wondered why he suddenly started thinking of members of the team as emteammates/em, when they'd been on a team together for the past four years and the thought had never occurred to him). Ray was his year in school, but hadn't graduated yet due to his dreadful attendance (Kai just decided to enroll in summer classes to retrieve his secondary school credits rather than be subjected to remedial homeschooling, which Tyson, Max, and Ray decided on to officially graduate the following year, and Kenny somehow managed to keep up with his schoolwork well enough to move to the next grade unimpeded). Hilary seemed to be suffering the effects of either post-traumatic stress disorder or PMS - one, Kai thought, was more likely than the other, especially given its cyclical nature. Surprisingly, Kai found himself displaying similar symptoms as Hilary, and he was pretty sure it wasn't PMS. Of course, the interrupted sleep was nothing new, and the recurrent tension headaches were just following from that. The sudden surges of excitement - or rather, as he knew it was, anxiety - were new, as well as the random spells of dizziness and inability to sustain attention to anything that he didn't find exceptionally interesting. And lately, nothing really seemed to interest him greatly.

Because Kai was legally an adult, he had no obligation to the BBA anymore, unlike when he was technically a minor and considered a ward of the court and emtechnically/em under the care of one Stanley H. Dickinson. But because so many of those affected by what transpired at BEGA were still minors, he found that he couldn't quite bring himself to leave. Instead, he rented a house just outside of Metal City with his and the Bladebreakers' earnings from the first world championship, and allowed wayward bladers, those displaced by the previous tournament, and pretty much anyone he thought was "up to snuff" to stay. His former teammates from the Blitzkrieg Boys were some of the first to make themselves at home (no longer having the Abbey as a home base and having no liquid assets to speak of), but eventually, bladers from other teams based in Japan came filtering through, some even from teams he'd never heard of. There were some basic rules (if you came, you would clean up after yourself and when you left, you would leave it exactly how you found it), but Kai found that he didn't much care whether they were followed or not. He didn't enforce them himself. Ray, Max, and Spencer took care of it most of the time.

Mr. Dickinson told Kai he could call him Stan but Kai called him Mr. Dickinson. He didn't want them to be close. He didn't even want Ray or Tala to be close but he didn't have much of a say in that matter. Ray was too empathetic and Tala was about as damaged as he was. Fortunately, both of them agreed to not allow Bryan in the community house (how he hated calling it that) on that basis that Bryan Was Crazy. Bryan was worse than Tala on matters of principle because Tala was only taught to be heartless; Bryan was a goddamn psychopath.

"You should really look into these group therapy sessions, they're supposed to be really helpful," spoke Ray, veraciously, as if he thought Kai had any reason to doubt their efficacy and Ray's expertise on the matter.

"No," he said.

"Why not? It's not like you're busy doing anything for the next few weeks. And it can't hurt, really," he replied, undeterred.

"It's stupid."

"It's not."

"It's stupid, and I don't want to," Kai added.

"Come on, you need to work this through with someone who will understand you. I can't pretend I know how you feel _forever_ ," Ray stressed. Kai frowned.

"What do you mean, _pretend_?"

"Oh, come off it, Hiwatari, don't act surprised," a mass of red hair appeared from around the corner of the kitchen, "it's not Kon's fault he can't read your mind."

Kai rolled his eyes. "Alright, _Ivanov_ , I'll take _Kon's_ advice and go. But so are you." Tala blinked.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No. It's stupid and I don't want to."

Ray fell back in his seat. "You have got to be kidding me," the two Russian bladers turned to look at him at the same time, "you are both completely insufferable." They glanced at each other. "And, consequently, you are both going to group therapy."

"No way-"

"Yes way. I'll get a court order if I have to," Ray persisted.

"You wouldn't. You couldn't. You're not even technically a resident yet," Tala pointed out. "And I doubt a court would ever issue something mandating us to go to therapy for something it can't even prove happened."

Kai rolled his eyes again, ignoring the slight headache it produced. "Are you dim? He's obviously not going to court over this," he narrowed his eyes, "he's going to Mr. Dickinson." He raised an eyebrow. "Am I right about this?"

Ray grinned, amused. "Well, I wasn't _going to_ …"

"Yes, you were."

"Yeah I was. But now I _am_. Unless you agree to at least try it," he chuckled. Ray looked to Kai and Kai looked to Tala and Tala looked at the ceiling. It was embossed.

"Fine," he spat.

"Looks like we're going," Kai declared, the edges of his mouth turned up a bit.

"Fantastic."


	2. 5

"That was like the worst fifty-five minutes of my life," Tala exclaimed. He and Kai were walking down the street just outside of the therapist's office. It was chilly, but not cold enough to snow in February. As they approached the intersection, the latter held down the button for the crosswalk indignantly. Of course, the main reason his redheaded companion thought the session was so awful was partly because he'd been so obnoxious the whole time, never letting anyone in the group complete a sentence before he interrupted or made a snide remark. The other part, Kai had to admit, was the group itself. It seemed like more of a support group for war veterans or serious abuse survivors - not people like Kai and Tala who were just bored teenagers unacclimated to the boring woes of everyday life.

"I'm never going back," Tala declared, stamping his foot a little. He glared at Kai. "What's your problem?"

Kai narrowed his eyes back at him. "What are you talking about?"

Tala sniggered at him. "You're moping. I mean, that's kind of your thing and all, but it's still annoying. You could try not to do it while I'm complaining about something." The traffic light changed to the walking man, and Kai took the opportunity to avoid Tala's scrutiny. He took long steps across the street, turned left, and started up the steep road that led back to their house. When he didn't hear Tala coming up behind him for half a mile, he slowed his pace.

The session wasn't actually terrible. Kai felt that if Tala hadn't been there to make him feel self-conscious (and frankly, exasperated), he would have actually gotten something out of it. Sure, his and Tala's experiences were aside from what type of trauma the therapy typically dealt with, but they had never led very normal lives. Kai knew that he would never really "blend in" or become easily forgettable like most everyone he'd met, but he wished that he'd had at least a normal childhood and not been raised in a front monastery by a malicious madman whose "vision" had been terrifying and enforced on them vicariously by his own grandfather. He didn't really feel _deprived,_ per se, but rather that he had just missed out on something really good. And had it replaced with something really bad. He couldn't really complain, not when there were children elsewhere who were being abused daily by their parents or their culture, but in his defense, the nightmares only stopped about two years ago. When he thought Boris had been sent away. Maybe he'd go back on his own sometime.

As he approached the house, a sense of dread filled his stomach. _Ray will be so disappointed if I tell him the truth._ Before the appointment, he'd seemed so sure that this was so right (it was what everyone else did, after all). _I can't_ _lie to Ray._ _Or can I? Would it be really bad? He's used to disappointment from me. I'll tell him the truth._

"So, how did it go?"

"Great." _Fantastic._

He fell up the stairs, into his room, and under the sheets. It was still technically winter, and would be for the next month, but nothing could excuse how cold it was in that house. His skin was crawling with gooseflesh and his teeth were on the edge of chattering. He stuck his hand down is pants and held it there, against his thigh, fingers beginning to thaw. He was absolutely sure it was not that cold outside when he was speed walking home to avoid Tala. In Japan, winters never got quite as arctic as in Russia, but Kai's tolerance to the cold was already waning. He felt around and slid his cell phone out of his pocket, flipping it open. He dialed "5." It rang eight times before being picked up.

"Hello?"

"Who's this?"

"It's Kai."

"…"

"Hiwatari?"

"Alright. What do you want?"

"Can you pick me up some product?"

"I just did, like two days ago, man!"

"I lost it."

"No way." He heard deep breaths on the other end. "How much?"

"Two grams? And some Grey Goose, if you don't mind."

"Alright. But you're paying me in yen, this time."

* * *

Later that night, a man stopped by the community house and knocked on the front door. Kai got it, being closest to the door already (though very intentionally). As nobody else was really paying attention (it was movie night and The Notebook had just come out on VHS), he snuck the goods up to his bedroom and locked himself in. Cracking a window, he stuffed a few dried green leaves into his orange and red bowl, lit the end with one of the dozens of disposable lighters around his room and inhaled deeply. His lungs burned and itched and stung but he refused to cough, only exhaling slowing once his eyes started watering. He took another hit, this time having to exhale faster to avoid a coughing fit. After taking in a few more lungfuls, he set down the glass instrument and stared up at the ceiling. It was really bright, and kept moving away then coming back. His hands felt pleasantly numb, almost warm, and tingles ran up and down his spine. His eyes felt heavier, harder to move, and before he knew it, he was drifting off.

 _He couldn't move._

 _He was being held down, his hands and feet tied outstretched._

 _Something was covering his face, preventing him from breathing._

 _He couldn't see._

 _His skull felt like someone was cracking it open._

 _It felt like there was a house on his chest, like his ribcage was being crushed -_

Kai woke himself up, heart hammering in his chest (which was thankfully still intact) and mind still foggy from the smoke. He wasn't tied down, but the blood was pounding through his vessels and caused a ripping pain to shoot through his head. He still felt like he couldn't breathe, but that was gradually getting better. He felt for the bottle of water he always kept on his nightstand, and opening it, downed half the bottle. The pain in his head became a dull throb and the tightness in his chest abated. He chanced standing up.

Taking careful steps toward the door, he cracked it open and strained his ears for the sound of commotion downstairs. Ray was saying something, and the movie credits were playing. A smug and cocksure voice responded, the kind of smug and cocksure voice Kai had been hearing since he was a kid in Russia and hated hearing now. He closed his door quietly and locked it. Whatever happened between him and Tala would have to wait till the morning.

* * *

 **Trust me, it won't just be drugs and dreams the whole time. Maybe like once more. It's not the most exciting thing to write, but relevant to the storyline.**


	3. Half Naked

The next morning when Kai woke up, he had a dull headache and no desire to move. He did, however, after six minutes of lying in his too-small bed, and trudged to the bathroom. After relieving himself, he turned on the faucet, undressed, and stepped into the shower. The cold water cascaded down his shoulders and back and into the drain. He closed his eyes and wet his hair under the stream of now warmer water. He opened them abruptly when someone started banging on the locked door. Could he just have five minutes of peace?

"Are you done in there?" Tala.

"Give me a hot minute!" he called over the sound of water splashing on the bathtub floor. The banging started again, louder. "WHAT?" he shouted.

"I gotta piss!"

"Go piss your pants then, I'm in the shower!" He rubbed the shampoo into his hair furiously.

"I have needs!"

"WELL I'M IN THE GODDAMN SHOWER SO SUCK IT UP OR GO SOMEPLACE ELSE!"

"FINE!"

He didn't hear anything else, so he tried to make himself relax and rinse the soap out of his hair. Tala was such a prick, he would never let Kai have his privacy or the freedom to just do whatever he wanted, it had always been like this, ever since they were both children at the Abbey -

Kai stopped his train of thought and turned off the water. With a pang, he remembered that Tala had always been the only one consistently on his side growing up, and the only one to never tell him such reproaches he wasn't good enough. Or whatever. Kai wasn't a child anymore, it didn't matter what people said to him. And anyway, Tala was an ass.

After towel-drying his hair as best he could and running a safety razor across his face, he exited the bathroom with a towel drawn around his waist. The sun had already come up and was at just the right angle to be blinding through the windows, so Kai shut his eyes against the oncoming flicker vertigo. He walked sideways into the wall, being unable to find his balance after a few seconds. He gripped the towel more tightly with his free hand. He felt as though he had stood up too fast after lying down for a while, the way the blood started rushing in his head and how his vision spotted. But after half a minute, the fit passed, and he continued to his room to change. On his way, he passed one of the bladers he'd only met recently when she moved into the house. She was a bit queer, in multiple meanings of the word, but she didn't much bother him. And she was one of the only girls he knew who wasn't constantly coming onto him. Even so, it was slightly embarrassing to pass by in such a naked manner, and Kai felt the blood rush to his cheeks. His body wasn't perfect, especially when he didn't have the benefit of fabric to cover his blemishes. But the girl only met his eyes indifferently and continued to the stairs. He hurried into his room to avoid any more awkward encounters (well, what would be awkward to him anyway) and glanced around. _Damn_. He hadn't really bothered to clean up last night, and all of his contraband was laid out in the open, for anyone to see or smell. In Russia, it wouldn't be as big of a deal - he was old enough to drink and possession wasn't a huge offense anyway - but in Japan, he could be arrested. And he didn't really trust anyone he knew not to blow the whole idea of this type of "recreational activity" out of proportion. He stuffed anything incriminating into the bottom of a box full of extra sheets and shoved it under his bed. And not a moment too soon.

"Do you have any tissues?" A boy who seemed about Max or Tyson's age walked into Kai's room without knocking, pinching a bloodied and dripping nose with his left hand, and trying to catch the drops with his right. _Didn't I lock the door?_ Kai remembered seeing him the previous night watching the movie, but couldn't really recognize him beyond that.

"Who are you?" he asked, trying to keep the bite out of his words. He was still half-naked, after all. The boy opened his eyes widely at him.

"Jonah Roy," he said with embarrassment, taking in Kai's exposed figure, "I, uh, didn't realize you were, uh, in," he lied. Kai stopped himself rolling his eyes.

"Well, knocking is usually advised," he said dryly. Jonah looked down at his feet, inadvertently dripping blood onto the fraying rug. "There's toilet paper in the bathroom."

Jonah barely looked before striding from the room. Kai made sure to lock the door when he got up to close it. _Jonah Roy._ He still didn't really recognize the kid, but he was sure he'd heard that name somewhere before. Maybe a small-time tournament in one of the fringe towns they'd visited on the homecoming tour. Maybe he was the son of a billionaire. Kai found that he didn't much care one way or another. He slid into a pair of gray cargo pants and pulled on a slim long-sleeved shirt he'd gotten from a leg of one of the bigger competitions in America. It was one of his cooler shirts, having a rugged American flag design behind, the name of the competition (American Series All-Star Championships), and the names of all the participants on the back, arranged by state or country. It was much cooler than his Euro one or even any of his World ones. And that competition, he recalled, he won.

Kai grabbed his cell phone from the stand where it was charging (it was a brand-new black Motorola RAZR from Mr. Dickinson that came with the stipulation that he kept it on him at all times) and moved downstairs toward the kitchen. Today was errand day and he had to see what they needed to buy. Unfortunately, the kitchen was packed by the time he got down there. Hardly anyone acknowledged his presence though, with the glaring exception of Ray and Tala.

"'Sup, asshole," Tala greeted him with a snicker. He must have thought he was immensely clever.

"Don't be obnoxious," Ray reprimanded. Kai knew he wasn't the biggest fan of any member, former or otherwise, of the Demolition Boys, excluding Kai himself.

"Oh, I wouldn't worry. Being obnoxious is _Kai's_ domain," Tala replied. Now, Kai gave himself permission to roll his eyes.

"Wise guy," he snapped back. He noticed that some of the conversation from others in the kitchen was starting to die down as more people started listening to their exchange. "I wasn't the one offending everyone in therapy yesterday," he said quietly, so only he and Tala could hear.

"Yeah, you just didn't say anything the whole time! And when we were supposed to share, you got up and went to the bathroom for the rest of the session! You left me out to dry!" Kai frowned. He remembered that. He had started feeling kind of sick with anticipation and deserted. He assumed Tala would get a kick out of sharing for the both of them without Kai interrupting, anyway. Oops.

"Well, like you said, you're never going back, so," he heaved a sigh, "what does it matter?"

At this point, Ray decided to pipe up, "Wait - you're not going back?" He looked slightly affronted that his grand idea was just shot down after one session. Kai sighed again.

"He-"

"It was awful," Tala finished his thought with his own.

"I thought you'd at least give it a try-"

"We did. It just… wasn't for us," Kai cut in, not wanting to cause more trouble. Already, theirs seemed to be the only source of conversation in the room, and he wasn't really keen on everybody else hearing this discussion. Ray seemed to sense his thoughts.

"Well, alright then. I guess we can talk about it another time," seeing Tala's face, he added, "or not."

There was an awkward lull in the conversation, in which everyone who had been intently listening turned away and pretended to engage back into their own dialogues, painfully aware of the sudden lack of noise in the room. Kai himself felt strange, like his limbs were suddenly detached from his body and his torso was bent like it usually wasn't. A sheen of sweat developed on his brow and he wiped it off with his detached hand. Suddenly, Ray was by his side. "Do you need help with the shopping?" He held up a list. "I already wrote down what we need to get. If we leave now, we can be back before lunch." Kai knew what that meant. _If you want to leave, here's your excuse._ On a silver platter. Kai decided to take the bait.

"Alright. I'll drive."

* * *

 **Sorry I feel like this is taking a while to develop but I have plans for this. BTW none of the OCs are really relevant. Like, they are, don't ignore those parts, but the focus is still on Kai. And I don't plan on having any of them having a really significant relationship with Kai either (romantic or otherwise). Just so you knw, in case the addition of new characters is a bit of a deterrent. Anyway, please review! Till next time**


	4. Feelings or Whatever

The car ride was relatively quiet. Ray knew better than to probe right away, but he was still dying to know what Kai had to say. He waited until they'd arrived at the supermarket to begin the difficult portion of the conversation.

"I'll get the vegetables, you get the protein," Kai said, and turned as if to walk towards the fresh produce section. Ray put his hand on Kai's shoulder.

"Kai, wait," he started, and removed his hand after a second, "let's do the shopping together."

Kai wasn't stupid. He knew that meant they were going to have a talk. But since it was Ray, and he was actually desperate for someone to confide in (though he'd never admit it), he decided to give in. He pushed the blue and red cart until they were in the breads aisle, then started tossing random loafs into the cart. They needed a lot of bread.

Ray bit his lip. "So, are you thinking about going back at all?" There was no point to specify further; Kai had already been thinking about the same thing. He stopped handling the bread for a second and looked at the tall warehouse ceiling before resting his eyes on his long-haired companion (he really did like Ray's hair).

"Maybe," he said cryptically before adding, "Not with Tala."

"Why? What did he do? Or what did he say?" Ray inquired, his interest piqued.

Kai sighed, pursing his lips slightly. "He was just a dick. He pretty much ruined it for everyone there, not that it wasn't to be expected. That's kind of his thing." Ray looked at him pregnantly, as if he had been waiting for Kai to finally crack. "What?"

"Nothing. I mean, it's just weird coming from you. To call someone a dick, or say they ruined everything." Seeing Kai's disheartened expression, he was quick to correct himself. "Not that you're a dick or anything, now at least, but you used to be kind of like that, too. Though I suppose you had a lot going on then, too, that we didn't even know about."

"You knew."

Ray glanced down at the dirty floor. Yeah, he did know. Having roomed with Kai so many times on their journeys, he'd gotten a peak into the inner world of their captain that few had ever seen, and not many had lived to tell about (A slight exaggeration. But only slight.). Sometimes, when Kai was sad, or keenly angry, or just feeling anesthetized to everything, he would talk to Ray. He wouldn't talk about his "feelings or whatever" - Kai's own words - but he would give generalized impressions about how he viewed the world at that moment. Not that he expected Ray to pick up on the subtle nuances of his moods or even meant for him to, but Ray was extraordinarily observant when it came to some things. When Kai was depressed because of a big loss or something that happened with his grandfather or Mr. Dickinson or the BBA or when he stopped drinking coffee or started drinking liquor or whatever it was that made him upset, he would have a certain manner that was different from when he was just tired or angry. Not that anyone else really noticed, as they all just assumed that was how he was, but Ray had a motive to care. So yes, he did know. He was also smart, so he could connect that dots that when Kai was in Russia, he was much more on edge than literally anywhere else. And when asked about his family or his birth or his upbringing or whatever, he would clam up entirely. And when Mr. Dickinson asked to see him privately, there were constant references to some "Voltaire" or whoever, who he later found out was Kai's estranged grandfather. He never found out for certain how abusive that relationship was, but it seemed to have done a number on the guy regardless.

"I knew you were hiding more than you let on. Which is saying a lot, considering who you are."

"Do we need anything else in this aisle?" Kai asked, not because he was trying to change topics, but because they had been standing in the same aisle for at least five minutes without getting anything else and the overwhelming smell of processed flour was giving Kai a headache.

"No, let's go get the veggies."

They headed for the produce section, hoping to not spend as much on this part of the list as the last part. Though rooming was free to bladers, board wasn't to anyone. Kai insisted that the fee be somewhere around 4500 and 5000 yen per week, but given how often they just ended up ordering takeout, Ray thought it should be higher. Nonetheless, it provided a pretty high budget that was ironically, very easy to go over. "According to last week's stats, we should be buying more cucumbers and less spinach. And probably fewer avocados, even though those practically vanished the day after we bought them. Though we could probably spare the change for another bag of apples. Although… just in case, we should probably just buy more rice and pasta, cause even if we don't eat all of it, it won't go bad," Ray looked up from the list he was holding and to Kai for approval. He nodded slightly, not having listened to anything the 18-year-old had said, but knowing that whatever it was, was right. "Ok, what."

"What?" Kai asked.

"You're not even listening to me."

"I have a headache," he admitted candidly. Ray's expression changed from annoyed to concerned.

"How bad is it?" he stepped closer to Kai.

"Fairly tolerable. But can we just get this over with?" Ray nodded, and referred to the list again to start the shopping. Once Kai was turned away, he screwed his eyes up and put a hand to the bridge of his nose. His head had actually begun to hurt pretty bad, and he had no idea what was causing it, or whether it would pass anytime soon. He pinched his dorsal bridge, relieving some of the pressure that was building up. He opened his eyes, not even realizing that he'd closed them. It seemed that in the twenty seconds he wasn't paying attention, Ray had filled up the cart with nearly everything on the list, including the extra whole-bean coffee.

"Let's go," he said, tugging Kai along towards the checkout lines. The next part was pretty quick, considering exactly how much they'd had to buy. The pair was back to the car, loading up the trunk and back seats before Kai knew it. Sitting side-by-side (Ray in the driver's seat now and Kai with his feet up on the passenger side), Ray decided to pester again. He brought up the support group again, this time not mentioning Tala.

"I don't think I'm going to go back, Ray. Me _or_ Tala."

"But why not? You know you've had a lot to deal with lately. Maybe if you had some people to talk to-"

"What are you trying to get at, Ray? It's not like you weren't there. _Everyone_ who had to face Brooklyn or the rest of them is fucked up in the head now! Don't deny it - I see it too. Why do you keep trying to get us to go to _therapy_ when there are clearly people who actually need it? We've been able to take everything we've been handed so far on our own. This isn't any different," he concluded, sure that he'd made his point.

"Kai…" Ray began, not sure how to proceed. "I - well - you've been using. And you've been off lately. I just think you need to see a doctor or something."

Kai's face was burning. _He knew._ "I don't need a goddamn doctor," he muttered under his breath. Ray sighed and stared out the front windshield.

"You do. And I don't think it's just mental, either, so you don't have to think you're a head case," he could feel Kai rolling his eyes at that point, "I mean, didn't you have a concussion or something after your last match with Brooklyn? Maybe it has something to do with your headaches."

" _Headaches?"_

"Don't act like you just smoke grass and swig the sauce all day just because you feel like it," Ray retorted. Through his shame and the current pounding in his skull, Kai couldn't help suppress a chuckle; he'd never heard Ray call it "the sauce" before and it sounded oddly out of place. "They're anesthetics. And they happen to make post-concussion syndrome worse. So maybe lay off for a while."

As Ray pulled out of the parking lot, heading towards home, Kai dejectedly muttered, "I can't."

* * *

 **Whoop, there it is. Kai is an alcoholic, and Ray knows. They're my two favorite characters, but if anyone wants to see someone else make an appearance or contribute more to the plot, just lmk. And thanks to those who have followed or favorited this story, it means a lot.**


	5. Nothing

That night was not a good night. Rudy Forster dropped a large can of hominy on his foot and broke his big toe, which prompted Max rushing him off to the nearest emergency clinic to get it set and splinted; Hisa Akayu smashed her glasses accidentally and had to be driven to the optometrist all the way across the city by Ray; and Tala got into a fight at the nearby Beypark earlier that day, landing himself one night in the county jail. While Ray and Spencer were livid, Kai found that he could not care less about Tala. Instead, he spent the evening dazed between shots of vodka and surfing the web on his relatively new Acer Aspire. He felt slightly guilty each time he poured himself another shot (well, initially tremendously guilty, but that guilt quickly dissipated with each dose absorbed into his bloodstream), but the euphoric giddiness it always brought never failed to draw him back. Eventually, he was so out of it that he just had to log off (succeeding only in opening a new word document, disoriented as he was) and fall back onto his bed.

The room spun around him, weird shapes forming on the ceiling then disappearing. His whole body was warm and awake, but his head felt heavy and drowsy. He felt unusually sullen for the amount of liquor he'd consumed, and could pin it down to the one thing he refused to think about. He sat up slowly, the world tilting on its axis, and fumbled with the little glass sitting next to the large bottle on his nightstand. Through the blanket of alcohol-induced fog in his mind, he managed to spill only half as much as he got in the glass, and got most of that into his mouth and down his throat as well. It hardly burned anymore, not that he'd have noticed anyway. He poured another, this time spilling almost as much as got in. He downed it without blinking, as the previous shot began to kick in. Dropping the glass onto his mattress (where it bounced off and hit the hardwood floor without breaking), he attempted to stand up, feeling somewhat thirsty at this point. Stumbling towards the door, he managed to make it two meters before losing his footing and hitting his knee on the doorframe. He paid it no attention; he could hardly feel it anyway.

Once Kai was able to make it out of his room and into the hallway, he noticed that it was eerily quiet. It was a testament to his skills of observation that he was able to notice such a thing in his state, but he couldn't muster the power of concentration to figure out why the place seemed so deserted. He fumbled for the light switch along the wall and, unable to find it, groped his way towards the stair banister from the feeble light coming from his room.

It was a miracle he was able to make it down the stairs without taking a serious fall, what with the way everything seemed to be coming out of nowhere to him. Reaching the kitchen, he reached for the first cup he could find on the counter and filled it up with cold water from the sink. He choked down the sour water, not having noted the orange juice that previously occupied the bottom of the cup before he filled it up for his own purposes. The taste was enough to make him gag, but the presence of too much alcohol in his system was enough to make his stomach seize. He dashed, but before he could make it up to the bathroom, he collapsed on the stairs, hitting his knees to the point it hurt, and heaving his entire stomach contents onto the middle step. Bile burning the back of his throat, he coughed and retched until all that was coming from his mouth were strings of putrid saliva and alarming moans. Kai tried to move his body so he wasn't lying so awkwardly and uncomfortably close to his own sick, but the movement only made him coil over and gag again. His body was rejecting the alcohol now, the pungent sweat escaping from every pore and a warm liquid creeping down his pants. The desire to get up washed over him, but his shaky limbs could hardly move him an inch away from the pool of puke dripping down the steps. His vision grayed as his body relaxed, finally having rid itself of most of the poison. He wanted to wake up, but he could no longer move.

 _He was trapped._

 _His arms and legged pinned by an invisible force._

 _It wasn't dark, but he couldn't see._

 _The light coming from every direction blinded him, no matter where he looked._

 _His lungs were burning, no longer able to expand or take in air._

 _There was pain. Endless pain._

 _He tried to move, but couldn't, his body frozen._

 _He could hear a voice shouting something far away._

 _Something that sounded like 'sky.'_

 _'_ _Sky,' 'sky,' 'sky, -'_

"Kai! Kai!"

Someone was shaking him. He lifted his arm unsteadily towards the source of the sound, swatting it away. He wasn't exactly comfortable, but he'd rather the voice leave him alone to sleep. "Kai! What happened to you?" Clearly, he had given himself away as being awake by raising his arm. The voice stopped shaking him. "Are you - are you drunk?" Oh. The voice was Ray. Kai decided to feign sleep again, desperate to escape his current situation. The voice - Ray, he remembered, started shaking him again. "Don't pretend, I need to make sure you're okay," after a slight moan came from Kai, Ray added, "I'm not mad."

Kai forced his eyelids to open a crack. His voice was hoarse when he spoke. "Go away."

Ray's expression was one Kai hated anywhere near him; it was one of pity. "I'll go away when you're not laying in a pile of your own puke." _Okay, fair point._

Raising one eyebrow in defiance, Kai didn't resist when Ray helped his up by two of his sweaty palms, or when he put one hand on the taller boy's back to make sure he didn't fall down the stairs. He also didn't resist when Ray led him to the bathroom and tore his soiled clothes from his unhealthy frame, though he avoided thinking about his exposed midriff with the unsightly scars or his bare collarbone with the highly personal tattoo. He told Ray to leave though when he felt his eyes welling up, and pretended he was going into the shower. He didn't even know if his eyes overflowed, for he was under the stream of warm water by the time the emotion overwhelmed him, and out by the time he had centered himself. He avoided meeting his own gaze in the mirror, knowing he could only be ashamed by what he saw.

Not even bothering to dry himself off, Kai headed down the hallway towards his room. He felt immensely better after the shower and what he assumed was already several hours of detoxing, and was able to keep his own balance with his hand against the wall. Upon entering his room, he noticed one thing right away - it was clean. There was no trace of the spillage from earlier, nor the bottle of spirits itself. The souvenir shot glass he'd been using sat upright on top of his dresser, directly across from his bed where sat the individual who'd spent the last hour or so focused solely on Kai. His face felt hot as Ray's eyes grazed over him. "I need to change now," he said slowly, the embarrassment he'd been holding back now coming in full swing. The other boy (man, Kai reminded himself, they were both adults) simply turned around on the bed, sitting in a meditative position towards the closed window. Kai spent the next minute awkwardly dressing himself, checking over his shoulder every two seconds to make sure Ray hadn't peeked when he was slipping his briefs on. Fully dressed again and wearing the largest, baggiest clothing he could find, he cleared his throat to signal to Ray that he could turn back. He did, and after twenty seconds of staring at each other, opened his mouth.

"You need to see a doctor," he said quietly. Kai held his gaze, unblinking, and without saying a word. "You clearly have a drinking problem, and it's going to affect your liver before you know it. In fact, I'd lay off the acetaminophen for a while." Kai exhaled through his nose. "Oh, come on. Are you still trying to hold on to your pride? You should have thought of that before passing out in your own vomit and piss."

Now Kai relinquished his gaze and stared off to the left. "What makes you think I have pride?" Ray's hardened expression softened.

"Sorry, you know what I meant. I mean how you and Tala always- "

"Voltaire is dead."

Kai watched as Ray's face fell, and almost regretted opening his mouth at all. "I'm… My condolences?" he spoke, almost questioningly. The nature of their relationship had been quite clear to Ray from the moment he'd heard Kai talk about him (characteristically, in less than a sentence), but he wasn't sure if the news was to be interpreted as good or bad. But Kai just shrugged.

"He had a heart attack. Surprising, I always thought there was just empty air where that organ should have been." The older boy (man) cracked a sad smile at his own joke, his throat constricted. Ray suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable.

"So that's why… Are you upset?" he asked, looking anywhere but the other's eyes.

Kai too avoided his friend's line of sight. He felt like he couldn't breathe. _Oh, Ray… I'm not upset. Now I'm nothing._

* * *

 **So this will pretty much be the end of that anyway. Should i go deeper and darker or lighten it up a bit? Obviously this one's gonna have some kind of happy ending or at least closure, but where to head now? Let me know.**

 **I like slipping little references to the year into the story. It's supposed to be set in the early months of 2005 here. I like to think that Kai and Ray were both 14 at the beginning of Beyblade 2000, 15/16 during V-force, and 17/18 during G-Rev. I also like to think that Kai is a January baby.**

 **Please review! I love reviews**


	6. Secrets and Special Missions

It was a slow day at the office for Dr. Martin Haugenschnauzer, MD. It was 11:30 AM and he'd only seen three patients in his clinic so far, and not one of them was interesting. He figured that he would take his lunch break early if no one else came in in the next ten minutes. Unfortunately for him, a fax came in seven minutes later notifying him of a patient that was to arrive for a physical exam in twenty minutes. Dr. Haugenschnauzer cursed his rotten luck and set up the exam room. According to the fax, he was to do some basic blood work and a drug test in addition to the physical. The most interesting part, in the good doctor's own opinion, was that the patient was not to know that he was performing a drug test on him. Dr. Haugenschnauzer loved secrets and special missions of any kind almost as much as he loved trickery and subterfuge. The patient's name was something in kanji that he couldn't quite figure out due to his being unacquainted with the national language (he had requested that all of his paperwork be sent to him in English or German), so he paged his assistant Maru to help him. She told him what it said through her barely concealed excitement.

"Kyle Hite-Atari?" he asked, having not quite registered the rush of phonemes that emitted from her mouth.

"Kai Hiwatari, former captain of the Bladebreakers and G-Revolutions!" she repeated.

"Kirk Higgins-Audley?"

"Kai Hiwatari! Please can you get his signature for me?"

Dr. Haugenschnauzer was not amused by the made-up name his assistant kept repeating to him. "Here, here, spell it out," he slid the sheet and a pen over to where Maru was searching out the window for the upcoming patient. She scribbled something illegible with her left hand over the paper without dropping her gaze at the parking lot below. The doctor could barely make it out, but it seemed to him to say 'KA HMATARI,' something which looked similar to a name he'd been seeing in his magazines recently. Suddenly, there was a loud knock at his door. Without bothering to wait for an answer, the receptionist popped his head in.

"Kai Hiwatari is here, sir," he whispered.

"Who?"

"Your patient sir, the one whose files you're holding right now."

"Oh. Send him in," he commanded, propping his feet up on the examination table and then taking them down two seconds later when his patient walked in (apparently he had been standing behind the receptionist the whole time). He shot up to his feet and stuck out his hand in greeting. "Hello, I am Dr. Martin Haugenschnauzer. According to your file, it says today you'll just be getting a physical and some blood work done?" he paused for confirmation, and received a shrug. "Alright, if you'll just hop up onto the examination table then, we can get started." He was tall enough that he didn't have to jump. Dr. Haugenschnauzer made a note of it on his legal pad. "And if you don't mind, how do you say your name?"

The boy mumbled something incoherent and foreign. "Alright, Kyheewateree, first I'm going to test your fine motor skills, just to make sure you don't have something or other there," the doctor said, tearing off a sheet of paper from his legal pad, "just print your name up top, then sign it underneath. Beneath that, I want you to draw five shapes, the first one with three sides, the next with four, and increasing by one each time." It was a feeble cover to get his autograph, but after his patient finished the task, he noticed something strange. The letters were really shaky, and the lines of the polygons were about as far from straight as the good doctor's husband. He set aside the paper. "Next I'm going to test your reflexes." He removed his rubber hammer and went tapping away. The reflexes were satisfactory as expected, but he also noticed a general over-reactivity in his patient as well. Whenever he spoke or tapped him, he would flinch and close his eyes. He made a note on his pad: _Heightened sensitivity?_

He moved on to eyes and ears. There was a sheen of sweat on the boy's forehead even though it was certainly below room temperature in the room, and he found it difficult to actually examine his eyes and ears due to the fact that Kyheewateree kept moving around. _Perspiration and agitation, mild. Warm skin._ He grabbed the blood pressure cuff from the counter and the stethoscope from around his neck and followed the procedure. _Tachycardia and BP 140/90._ He sat back and looked at his patient. _Pale skin. Looks like withdrawal._ "We're going to draw some of your blood now. Which arm do you want us to use?" The patient held out his left arm, shaking unsteadily. Dr. Haugenschnauzer quickly disinfected the area, applied the tourniquet further up on his arm, and inserted the needle into his largest vein. His patient, who initially was looking at the process, turned away upon seeing the blood rushing out, turning a bit pale at the sight. The doctor drew a few samples of blood before extracting the needle and bandaging up the area. "The results will be back in a few hours. Meanwhile, I need you to pee in a cup."

* * *

Dr. Haugenschnauzer stared down at the results of the tests he held in his hands. His patient from earlier - the one with the weird name - had a myriad of issues, it seemed, and possibly some without a medical basis. The blood test revealed borderline anemia and vitamin B12 deficiency, but the drug test just horrified the doctor. Not only were the expected alcohol metabolites ethyl glucuronide and ethyl sulfate found, but he tested positive for THC, amphetamines, nicotine, and benzodiazepines. Checking his file, it was certain that he was never prescribed any medication except hydrocodone/acetaminophen after his release from the Osaka Trauma Center with a concussion and fractured ribs. Strangely though, evidence of hydrocodone usage wasn't found in his drug test at all. He carefully entered the results into the computer, putting in his recommendation to see the patient again. Then, he composed a fax back to the 'Mr. Stanley H. Dickinson' who initiated the correspondence about his patient. _I genuinely interpret these heretoforth reviewed health examinations to reveal a dependence on certain illegal substances that is both physical and psychological in nature, and must -_ What's a better word for ask? - _implore you to arrange another set appointment on behalf of your ward. I have conections with various specialists to which I can refer him._

He reviewed his letter for errors (correcting 'conections' and changing 'dependence' to what he believed was the more correct 'dependance'), attached the appropriate documentation of his tests, then sent it off to his client. Pulling out his notepad, he drew a map. _Antabuse, Crossroads Center, Dr. Marilyn Rosado MD, Metal City General Hospital 4 dtox._ This kid probably had a lot of stuff to work through, and Dr. Haugenschnauzer knew from experience how difficult it was while under the influence. He himself had come out to his former wife while under the influence of pot at a Lady Gaga concert, and that - well, now that he thought about it, was relatively peaceful, as they had both been baked at the time. But the months that followed were brutal.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Dr. Haugenschnauzer received a reply to his fax.

 _Dr. Haugenschnauzer,_

 _I thank you for your review of my colleague. The results were as expected, but I admit there is no grim satisfaction in knowing so. I shall arrange for Kai to attend once again on the 5th of March, and I expect him to be fully compliant and cooperative with your prescribed treatment plan. I once again thank you for your time and commitment, and look forward to seeing you at the BBA March Mania Commencement Banquet._

 _Regards,_

 _Stanley Harper Dickinson_

* * *

 **Ok, this one was a bit different. I initially wanted it to just be some comic relief, but I'm not sure if it worked out. Also I wanted to flip up the perspective a bit. I'm not sure if I'll do it again, though. Maybe in a later chapter. Anyway, thank you for reading all this way if you have and also thanks to those who have given me feedback so far, I really appreciate it.**


	7. March Mania (equals moonshine)

**Okay, so a few things about this chapter - there's a lot of bad language. Like words that I wasn't really going to include in this story cause I feel like cussing in fanfic about series that don't usually have fowl language sounds misplaced, but here I felt like it needed to make an impression and an impact, so if anyone really doesn't like that either don't read it or try to ignore it. Also - yeah. It's been a hot minute since the last chapter. It took a while before I could really get this one off the ground cause this wasn't the original direction I was going to take the chapter. But anyway, I hope you at least enjoy it a little.**

* * *

The First Annual BBA March Mania Commencement Banquet kicked off the festivities with a bang. While the majority of the tournament would be held in Japan (with the exception of the mainland Asian prelims), bladers from all ends of the world were allowed to participate. A few notable people and their plus-ones were invited to the banquet, but otherwise it was an open event for any participant or support member willing to shell out a hefty donation. Naturally, all former and reigning world champions were invited, given they remained in good standing with the BBA, as well as certain figures in the Beyblade community who endorsed the revival of the sport and the BBA after the events of BEGA.

Not everyone could make it. Ray made sure that any unfilled spots were reserved for the kids in the community house who wanted to attend, though. The situation was difficult, as the banquet took place a few cities over, which meant an hour and a half car ride in a van with all ten people – six of whom who were beside themselves with excitement, having never been to an official BBA event before – in their best black-tie suits and dresses. By the time they arrived (fifteen minutes early, with Ray's surprising proficiency in gear-shiftin' and traffic dodgin'), the sun was going down and all were ready to start the celebration. They got in line at the entrance and, after receiving their nametags, filed into the banquet hall and found their assigned seats.

The hall was set up with large round tables spread evenly apart, with smooth white tablecloths and elegantly folded burgundy and teal napkins adorning the surfaces. Kai, Tala, and Ray found themselves at the same table as Katsuya Khurana, Jonah Roy, and Camila Garcez, but Max was with Tyson, who had just flown in from Vancouver, Renée Lefebvre, Hatsu Kaiyo, and Rudy Forster. Soon after they arrived, other parties came shuffling in. A few more people (none of very remarkable background) sat down at the two tables, but they seemed to be more experienced and less naïve than the other occupants of the room. Kai thought they'd get along just swell.

At the front of the room, Kai noticed Mr. Dickinson ascend to the small stage and make his way to the glass podium, where he adjusted the microphone and spoke into it. "Ahem – If I may have all of your attention, please," he started. "This feast marks the beginning of a new era of Beyblade. After the unfortunate occurrences of the past year, we in the Beyblade community feel it necessary to reform the sport, especially in professional circles, in order to bring back the joy and unity it has historically produced. In the coming year, we at the BBA plan to – "

Kai turned around in his seat to look exasperatedly at Tala, who'd taken to poking him in the shoulder. He had a mischievous grin on his face. "I have to pee. Will you come with me?" he whispered. Kai gave him the most irritated, bored expression he could muster. Tala rolled his eyes in his typical obnoxious way. "I have party juice. If you're down for a good time, come to the bathroom two minutes after me. If you wanna sit here for another hour listening to Dickinson talk about how great the BBA is, don't do anything." Tala quietly excused himself from the table and made his way to the back of the ballroom where the men's room was. Kai inwardly groaned. Leave it to Tala to break the only code of conduct at the dry banquet by bringing alcohol (or at least, he hoped that was what 'party juice' was), especially as Kai was trying to cut down on his use. _Fuck! I know I shouldn't but—_

He rose, attempting to be as subtle as possible in his haste, and hurried along the sides of the room towards the back. He _was_ incredibly disinterested in whatever Mr. Dickinson was going on about – oh, and now another guest speaker. Brilliant.

Pushing open the heavy door to the restroom, Kai spotted Tala right away (how could he not). "Oh, thank god. I was worried your prude ass wouldn't be visiting me here tonight after all. I was getting ready to take it as a personal offense," the latter declared.

"Come off it. I'm ready to party."

"Geez, don't need to look so eager about it." Kai had a need, and he needed it now. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," Kai replied, "I just want to have a good time."

Tala snorted. "That's rich, coming from you." He pulled a flask from each breast pocket of his coat, giving them a little shake. "Oh, well. This _lick-were_ here is a fancy white whiskey imported all the way from the hills of the Appalachia from a skittish family by the name of Kirk who I happened to meet in a distillery a few months back. It is a lovely fragrant mix of fermented corn and jet fuel, with a proof higher than I can count to. The liquid is a beautiful crystal clear that could easily be mistaken for water. Now I have one thing to ask you – are you ready?"

Kai rolled his eyes. "Obviously. I was waiting for you to finish fawning over the goddamn moonshine. Are we going to drink or what?"

Tala held the flasks against his chest, murmuring, "Slowly, young Padawan, we must proceed slowly. This here moonshine has twice as much alcohol as your strongest Russian vodka, and you might very well get wasted. I'm warning you to _ease_ into the liquor, as this _ain't yo momma's whiskey._ "

They stared at each other for a total of two seconds before Tala handed Kai his flask and, unscrewing the caps, both began chugging the concentrated liquid at once. Tala let out a ghastly hiss, and Kai started coughing after a few seconds. "GODDAMN THAT BURNS!" Tala screech-whispered. They ran to the sinks and flushed water down their throats before continuing to throw back the whiskey. The liquid tasted awful, worse than anything Kai had drunk before. As an afterthought, he realized how lucky they were that no one else decided to come into the restroom just then.

After they emptied the flasks, suspending the openings over their mouths to get the last drops and sucking them dry, Tala was already starting to get tipsy and Kai really had to urinate. As he emptied his bladder into the nearest urinal, a thought struck him. _What am I doing?_ He ignored the thought for the urgency of his next thought. _I'm getting pretty goddamn drunk._ He laughed, splashing himself.

"Tala. Tala! Are you drunk yet?"

His red-headed friend hobbled over to the closest urinal and, unzipping his pants, whipped it out. "I-I'm thirrrrsty." He aimed for the bowl but came up short by about a foot. Kai giggled.

" _Fuuuck_ man I'm - I'm like getting really fucking wasted," Kai said, making a concerted effort not to slur his words. "What the fuck did you say this stuff was again?" He felt disoriented and dizzy and like he didn't know whose hands were whose.

"Man-oh-man I don't fucking know is just a alcohol whaddaya want from me?" He threw his hands up as if to express just how much he didn't know, which of course made both Tala and Kai fall onto the floor in hysterics.

They laughed for a good bit, and then Kai came to his senses. "Dude. Dude. We should probably go back to the thing." He didn't know why it mattered, but he knew that he was becoming more inebriated by the minute and soon he would not be able to walk in a straight line. He looked over to his friend, who had his head in his hands.

"Dammit Kai." Tala sounded like he was about to cry.

Kai suddenly felt very annoyed and very upset. He couldn't understand why Tala was being emotional all of the sudden. It made him uncomfortable and itchy and like he really wanted to leave but couldn't because the world was spinning too much at the moment. He slightly inched away from the sad boy, trying to be subtle. Fortunately, Tala didn't seem to be paying much attention to Kai's actions at all.

"We just fucked up didn't we?" he quietly sobbed. At this point Kai tried standing up but began to sway as soon as he did. "GODDAMNIT DO YOU HATE ME OR SOMETHING!" Tala shouted into his lap. The sound reverberated around the tiled restroom.

"Tala. What's the matter with you?" Kai probed cautiously. He could not deal with an onslaught of drunken feelings right now.

"Sometimes I feel like you hate me because you never talk to me like you used to when we were kids and you act like you never want to be around me cause you're better than me and it makes me feel sad ok just shove it ok?" he slurred. Kai prayed to any gods out there that he would just die on the spot. There was no response. He decided to proceed carefully.

"Tala…"

"Just fuck off, Kai."

"Tala."

"What did I just say."

"That… you have feelings?"

Tala laughed manically. "Oh yeah, that's right, you're an Abbey kid, you hide your goddamn feelings 'till it makes you _sick_ and then when one of us is finally _man_ enough to let it show you try to make us push it back down! You're the problem with us! You're what's wrong with us! You were always so goddamn perfect. You were Voltaire's pet! You let the rest of us suffer so that you wouldn't have to and now that we're out you just shove it in everyone's face that you think you're so much fucking better than us! Well you're fucking not, you faggot, so maybe you should just take a hike," he ranted, surprisingly soberly. Even in his uninhibited state, he may have said some things and used some language he didn't mean to. Half the things he said just flat-out weren't true. Tala sighed. There was silence. When he looked up, Kai was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

 **Oh yeah! Also I made a poll on my profile. Check it out! And I wrote this long hefty thing also on my profile about beyblade fanfction and whatnot so if you're bored or enjoy what I make (like, at all. seriously. in the least) take a gander!**


	8. Explain

As soon as he left the confines of the restroom, Kai knew there was no way he'd be able to go back to the banquet. What Tala said was more or less true, at the time they were in the Abbey at least, but since then, Kai had mellowed out a lot. He no longer thought of himself in the way that Tala accused him of, but he still tended to rub people that way. He hated the way that alcohol loosened him up so much.

He couldn't leave, but with the way his legs felt like rubber and how his mind felt detached from his body, he had to. That whiskey was… wow. There were tears in Kai's eyes from having coughed so much in the bathroom, and his vision was swimming in front of him. He stuck out a hand and looked back and forth down the hall. There was a door that he knew led to the ball room, and another, in the other direction, that he hadn't passed through before.

He found his footing and stumbled as quickly as he could towards the door. With all his weight on the knob, he pushed the heavy door open, and was met with a rush of cool air.

Oh. Outside, then.

Kai stepped through the exit and closed the door, hearing it lock faintly. He jiggled the knob from the outside. Seemed pretty locked to him. There were a few steps to the ground that Kai was careful walking down. There was nothing in the lot ahead of him, but it was almost completely dark now. Kai shrugged, drunk but not vulnerable. He would just walk around to the front, find their car, and figure out what to do then.

So, he walked, trying not to trip and failing four times out of five. Eventually, he came around to a side of the building that appeared to be the main entrance, with a parking lot in the front. He couldn't really remember exactly where they parked, but an even more pressing issue was the drunkenness that was making his head spin and his thoughts swirl. He settled on walking down each of the aisles clicking the key fob until the car's horn went off.

It was a tedious process, but Kai succeeded after a good many try. He slipped into the backseat, lowering the windows and locking the car doors. In less than three minutes, he fell into a drunken sleep.

* * *

Kai snapped awake. He had been suffocating, clutching at his chest where it felt like the suit was constricting him. He gasped, air coming in and out of his lungs like normal. There was someone pounding on the door, yelling his name through the open window. He was ready to fight for his life when he snapped his head and realized it was Ray.

"Kai! Open the door! Kai!" Ray shouted.

"SHUT UP!" Kai growled, reaching across him to unlock the door. Ray yanked it open, dropped himself inside, and slammed it shut. He rolled up the window on his side, and Kai took the cue and fumbled with the window on his own side. When he finished, he met Ray's burning glare. He looked ready to murder.

"Explain. Explain why you're not at the banquet right now and why you reek of alcohol, Kai," he huffed, "please."

Kai had the sense to not open his mouth right away. He had the sense to look straight ahead as he finally said, "You wouldn't understand."

Ray put his head in his hands, messing up the hairstyle he'd done just for the banquet. He looked distraught. Kai wanted to make it go away but, like with Tala, he had no idea how to approach it. He gathered his thoughts as best he could and gave explaining a try. "It was right there. I couldn't… I couldn't stop it."

Ray groaned. "Kai, you have an addiction. I understand that! But it seems like you don't even _try_ to stop yourself. You never come to me or anyone, as far as I'm aware, whenever you're about to drink. Why?"

Kai snorted. "I came to Tala."

"Max found Tala in the restroom, trashed and alone. That's how I knew to come looking for you."

There was a longer moment of silence that stretched between them at the mention of Tala. Tala and Kai were inexplicably connected, always had been, ever since they first met each other at Balkov Abbey. They could argue, they could fight tooth and nail and threaten to kill each other but neither of them would do it knowing they would once again have no one. It wasn't like they _confided_ in one another, per se, but on occasion, they would drink and converse to celebrate little milestones like when Boris was arrested, or the BBA was reinstated. Things like that. Kai almost wished for a better relationship with someone else, so that he could just leave the trauma of his youth behind him, but Tala always found a way to worm his way back into Kai's life. He tried to find his words.

"Drinking… makes me forget. It makes all the shit that's happened, the weight of it, just disappear. It used to be that I could remember things if I really tried when I drank or if I smoked pot, and it would just go away after, or it wouldn't seem that bad. Now, when I drink, I can forget everything," he whispered numbly, then added with a grumble, "if my tolerance weren't so damn high."

Ray crossed the distance that the middle seat afforded them and leaned into Kai. He wrapped his arms around the other's midsection, but Kai stiffened up slightly. After a few seconds, he forced himself to relax into the touch. Ray's voice was muffled into the back of Kai's neck when he spoke. "You _do_ know you can come to me, right? When you want to drink, come to me. When you want to use drugs, come to me, and I'll do them with you. But you have _got_ to stop drinking, if nothing else than for your health. I've had a lot of family die from alcoholism."

A tremendous lump formed in the back of Kai's throat. He had no idea the effect his drinking had on anyone else, and he had no idea Ray had any experience with it. "I'm sorry."

On Kai's left, Ray pulled away a bit and curled up on his own seat, body quaking with stifled tears. Kai knew – oh, he knew – how so much pressure could build up in one person's body and how it had to come out some time, but he'd never seen it happen to anyone else in such a private manner, aside from Tala. It was awkward, but Kai was luckily still intoxicated. He did kind of want to disappear into his seat. Still.

Ray mopped himself up after a few minutes of silent sobbing, then climbed over into the front seat. He took a shuddering breath before saying, "I'm going to take you and Tala and Max to the nearest pancake house, and we're going to eat pancakes and guzzle syrup and talk about our stupid feelings until you guys sober up, and by then the banquet will be over and we'll all go home with the rest of the kids. Deal? You can't turn it down," he mentioned before Kai could begin to disagree. Instead, he grunted in assent. Just then, Max dragged a barely conscious Tala into the backseat, where Ray had been previously sitting, and buckled him in to the best of his ability. He jogged around to the passenger seat, and slid in. Kai was sure it would be more of a visual gag if he were not so inebriated and subdued after his conversation with Ray.

He felt like there must have been some backstory behind what just went on, something behind the scenes, but his mind was too slippery to make it to the end of a thought. He gaped as Ray expertly clutch-shift-gas-clutch-ed them out of their parking spot. _He's such a good driver._

The van lurched, and they were off.

* * *

 **OK ANYWAY so I feel like that was so boring, kinda sucked, I was going to add more to it but as I was going back to it today, I realized it was long enough to be a chapter on its own and its better to have a shorter chapter up than wait indefinitely for a longer one, so I hope it was fine anyway. Sorry it's taking so long between updates, school's been... real.**


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